The Hidden Power of our Interactions 🌟
Imagine a world where every interaction becomes an opportunity for growth and connection. This is Eric Berne’s fascinating discovery with “strokes” in transactional analysis. These precious signs of recognition are as essential to our fulfillment as oxygen to breathe. And surprise: our thirst for recognition is so intense that we sometimes prefer scathing criticism to the silence of indifference! 🎭
This approach to strokes echoes the age-old wisdom of the Toltecs, particularly the first chord: “Let your speech be impeccable”. Positive strokes embody that impeccable word that uplifts the other, while unconditional negative strokes represent exactly what the Toltecs urge us to avoid: those words that hurt and diminish. This convergence of ancient wisdom and modern transactional analysis reminds us of the transformative power of our words. 🌱
The 4 Signs of Recognition Compass 🎯
Like a compass rose, our relational map is oriented along two axes: Being versus Doing, Positive versus Negative. This alchemy reveals four types of signs:
- Conditional Positive (Doing+) 🌟: “Well done for that brilliant presentation!” Impact: Encourages constructive behavior and values skills, propels motivation and celebrates excellence.
- Negative conditional (Doing-) 📝 : “This report lacks clarity” Impact : Necessary for reframing, constructive when it paves the way for improvement
- Unconditional Positive (Being+) ❤️ : “You’re an extraordinary person” Impact : Nurtures deep self-esteem and strengthens positive identity
- Unconditional Negative (Being-) 💔 : “You’ll never make it” Impact : Toxic, attacks identity and can cause lasting injury
Unconditional Love vs. Recognition of Doing 💝
Imagine a warm light illuminating your day – that’s the effect of positive conditional recognition! When your manager says, “Wow, your presentation this morning was outstanding, you captivated everyone!” 👏, it’s not just a simple compliment. It’s like planting a seed of confidence that will grow and flourish. There’s a special magic in unconditional signs. When someone says “You’re precious just the way you are” ❤️, it’s like receiving a soul-warming emotional hug. The Virtuous Circle of Positive Signs!✨
The Impact of Words 💭
But be careful! Negative signs can leave invisible scars. It’s like the difference between a gardener who prunes with precision and someone who rips out without care. Constructive criticism (Doing-) helps you grow, destructive criticism (Being-) uproots confidence. 🌱
See the difference between Being-“You’re stupid!” and Doing-“What you did was stupid!”. If the first is said by someone important to you (your boss, your father…), you might believe it and build your life on this belief: “You’re like that ☹”. The second, accompanied by the why (by explaining why it’s not good) and the how (by proposing what you should do to move back into the positive), puts you in charge, helping you to correct your behavior and the result of your actions.
The key to fulfilling communication? Maximize positive signs (both conditional and unconditional), transform conditional negatives into constructive feedback and absolutely avoid relationship-destroying unconditional negatives. ✨
The Subtle Art of Feedback: The Magic Formula 🎯
To ensure that your signs of recognition hit their target with precision, master these four dimensions:
– Precision 📍: Be specific like an elite archer
– Timing ⏱️ : Choose the moment like a conductor
– Authenticity 💫: Let your heart speak, unfiltered
– Relevance 🎯: Adapt your message like a tailor adapts his suit
On a daily basis, this knowledge is transformed into art in every sphere of our lives. At the office 💼, turn meetings into moments of collective uplift. At home 👨👩👧👦, forge deeper, more nourishing bonds. At school 📚, cultivate the fertile ground of learning.
The Art of Living by the Strokes 🌟
Mastering the art of recognition is like learning to paint with emotions. It’s not just about giving compliments at the drop of a hat, it’s about creating a symphony of interactions that bring out the best in everyone.
By cultivating this awareness of the signs of recognition, we become artisans of collective well-being. Every well-chosen word, every kind look, every thoughtful gesture helps to weave a richer, more vibrant, more fulfilling social fabric.
And you, what sign of recognition are you going to offer today? 🤔
PS: Since this awareness, I no longer tell my grandson he’s naughty when he does something stupid. If he has done something naughty, I explain why and how 😊
